Hannah

Men of the world (with a few exceptions): YOU. WIN. I give up.

I deleted all of my online dating service accounts and I don’t plan on trying it again. EVER.

Dating has to be one of the most useless endeavours on the face of the planet. There’s no rhyme or reason to it.

A plus B should equal C. The universe’s continued function depends on it. Oh no, not with dating. A plus B could equal 8,000 or it could equal Goat or P or whatever the hell it wants. These are rules I cannot abide by.

When people are nice to you, you have to be nice back. It’s the rules. It’s how it goes. A + B = C. Is that so fucking difficult?

I am embarking on what will either be the most brilliant decision of my life or the dumbest thing I’ve done yet. I’m going to become a vegetarian. Well, to be specific, lacto-vegetarian. I’m not entirely sure I can give up cheese.

My reasons relate mostly to health, that of my body and of the environment. I’ve already cut out red meat and a vast majority of egg-based dishes for diet reasons, so I think I can handle the leap to no meat at all. I’ve decided to gradually phase out meat as opposed to quitting cold turkey (ha!). One reason being I bought meat on my last grocery trip and I take serious issue with throwing away perfectly good food. We’re in a recession, and I’m not made of money!

I’m definitely inspired by the number of vegan recipes I’ve found. While I don’t intend to go Vegan in my daily life, I think baking Vegan could be a useful skill. I haven’t been able to enjoy baked goods in so long because of all the fat and other nastiness in typical baked items. There are a ton of vegetarian versions of things I already eat and a hundred different ways to tweak foods I already eat. For example, refried beans instead of taco meat, strips of portobella mushrooms in place of steak, etc.

I’m a little frightened by some of the new ingredients I’m going to have to familiarize myself with. Tofu, for whatever reason, scares me the most. I don’t know what it is about that stuff, but it gives me the creeps. It looks like a fairly versatile food, but I can’t get over how much it resembles PlayDoh.

Has anyone else gone vegetarian and lived to tell about it? Know anybody else who has? Lemme know! I need all the encouragement I can get!

I don’t for once, but I’m bored and need to post something so I submit the following for your consideration: ‘Crestfallen’ by The Smashing Pumpkins with clips from ‘Brokeback Mountain.’

In honor of my best gal’s birthday, I present the one and the only GERARD!

He’s pensive because he’s not currently chained to your bed post. I’d be angry too really.

He’s thinking ‘Nom nom nom, this microphone is tasty but Bean would be better!’

My pelvis, let me show you it.

Does this shot make me look artsy?

JAZZ HANDS! And hips!

A tongue, I haz one!!! You can take it from there!

Hehe. Sweaty. Hehe.

HAVE THE BEST BIRTHDAY EVER, HOT MAMA!!!!

You ever get in a massively bad mood? Like for no good reason you’re sobbing all the time and just can’t help but think everything sucks? That’s been me this week. While I’ll spare you the gory details, the one thing that’s kept me somewhat functioning and even-keeled is, wait for it it!, music.

So in that spirit, I’ve decided to list the songs that never fail to calm me down when I need it.

‘Hallelujah’ by Jeff Buckley: I always stop and take a deep breath whenever I hear this. It’s so soothing.

‘Olala’ by Sensation Junkies: I have no idea if these guys are still around but the line ‘I may not amount to much more than a smile and a memory’ always speaks to me whenever I feel shitty.

‘Friday I’m in Love’ by The Cure: Let’s face it, Robert Smith can make any psuedo-emo kid smile. This song is also the perfect kind of sweet. You feel light when you hear it, but not bubbly.

‘Big Girls Don’t Cry (Personal) Remix’ by Fergie w/Sean Kingston: I know, I know. It’s Fergie. But I love her. A LOT. ‘But I’ve got to get a move on with my life’ makes me happy.

‘Stadium Arcadium’ by The Red Hot Chili Peppers: Musical Valium. First off, Anthony Kiedis can do no wrong. Also, there’s so much going on musically that you don’t have time to wallow, you just kind of hang on and let the song take you wherever it wants.

‘Boston’ by Augustana: Who hasn’t desperately needed a change of scenery? Plus, this song came out when I was in Colorado and it always made me feel better about how much I hated it there.

‘Move Along’ by The All-American Rejects: ‘When all you gotta keep is strong, move along, move along like I know you do, and even when your hope is gone, move along, move along just to make it through.’ Sigh.  Who hasn’t been there? And Mr. Blue-Eyed Singer Dude? Come to Mama.

‘Tonight, Tonight’ by The Smashing Pumpkins: Obviously. We’ve discussed this.

‘Times Like These’ by The Foo Fighters: ‘It’s times like these you learn to live again, it’s times like these you give and give again.’ Preach it, Dave!

‘Of a Broken Heart’ by Zwan: Say what you will about Zwan, I loved it. And I really loved this song. In specific, ‘the heart of a child, is in your hands now, so let’s see you smile, because I’m not impressed, with your loneliness.’

‘Santa Monica’ by Everclear: I don’t think Art and company get enough credit. They are really a fucking great band. Oh, and I’ve seen them live. Yes, I do rock, just ask Sheena! But ‘We can live beside the ocean, leave the fire behind, swim out past the breakers, watch the world die’ is like a wonderful salve.

‘God Called in Sick Today’ by AFI: I love this. Big time. I don’t know what about it specifically makes me feel better, but it always does.

There are a million more that always make me feel better. It all depends on what I’m upset about. If I’m pissed off at work, Marilyn Manson and Korn make an appearance. If a crush has gone sour, mopey broken-heart music starts to show up in heavy rotation.

OK, so between funky work schedules, family drama and my new DS, this little baby’s been all but ignored. My apologies.

Add in a dash of ‘What the hell am I going to write about?!’ and you get the idea.

So I’m going to write about my new obsession: VIDEO GAMES!

I have a Wii (go ahead, envy me), a Playstation 2 and a Nintendo DS. I’m in love with each and every one of them. They each serve their own purpose.

The Wii is awesome for cutesy games. Current favorites are My Sims, Wii Sports and Rayman Raving Rabbids. The control scheme of the Wii makes interactive games a total blast, and also makes you look like the biggest moron ever whilst playing them. Wii Sports tops them all. Tennis and boxing are fantastic. If ever you need a stress relief, beating the soup out of a 3D cartoon character does the trick. It’s great for getting you off the sofa and actually interacting with your friends as opposed to sitting there and watching someone chop the head off of a monster for the umpteenth time. You can also make a cartoon version of yourself, called a Mii, but the options are fairly generic and you end up with a character that could look like anyone. The controls aren’t flawless and sometimes the games go beyond cutesy all the way into just plain stupid. Also, a lot of the games require more than one player, and if you usually play games solo, it’s kinda depressing. Who wants to be made to feel like a loser by their video game console? The games themselves aren’t exactly on the cheap side either and the number of different titles is by no means expansive. The console itself is relatively cheap considering the price of the Xbox and PS3. The fact that’s it’s damned hard to find is offputting. But the ability to check the weather, news and send e-mail through a wireless Internet connection are all pluses. It also can play Gamecube games and you can purchase classic NES and SNES games on the virtual console.

The Playstation 2 is my go-to system for when I feel like being a little more hardcore. Hardcore, of course, is a relative term for me. My favorites for the PS2 are Katamari Damacy, Final Fantasy and Destroy All Humans. The PS2 is great for RPGs and platformers and the control scheme is fairly fool proof and easy to pick up. The PS2 has it’s fair share of cutesy titles (which, if you couldn’t figure this out, I LOVE CUTESY TITLES!) as well as more violent fare. And you can play with friends or online if you want to, but you don’t have to. The games are reasonably priced and used titles are fairly easy to come by. The unit itself is incredibly inexpensive and, like the games, used units are easy to come by. It also plays DVDs and PS1 games. It can be hooked to the internet to play MMORPGs like Final Fantasy XI online. It also offers a wide variety of different games catering to every age group and gaming level.

The DS is a recent addition to my collection and so far has been successful in eating my life. My favorites so far are Harvest Moon and Animal Crossing: Wild World. It’s the perfect size to throw in your purse or bag if you know you’re going to have time to kill during the day. The battery life is fantastic and it comes in a range of colors (mine is Cobalt). It also has wireless capabilities so you can play online with friends from across the world or across the room. The unit itself is inexpensive, running about the same price as a PS2, and used units can be had. The games are inexpensive and expansive, and used titles abound. Simulation games are popular, but there are many fighting titles, RPGs and point and shoots. The DS also offers a huge selection of educational games like Brain Age and some foreign language games. You can also play GBA games.

All things considered, I play the DS more than any of my other systems. Because of it’s size, I can play it wherever I want. Also, the games are hella entertaining. I can slip it in my lunch bag and while I’m waiting around at work, I can harvest turnips or chat with friends in Animal Crossing.

It’s a fun way to pass the time and in some cases, you can learn new things. I have my eye on some French and Spanish language learning games.

I threatened it and now I’m following through: DAVEY HAVOK PICTURE POST!!

And yes, this will be a regular feature, so deal!

If you have any special requests, holla!

Now, as they say, let’s get it on!

Ella, ella, eh, eh, eh

Don’t be sad emo boy. Come here, mama will cheer you up.

Holy Manic Panic, Bat Man!

Choosing eyeliner can be so stressful sometimes.

Teh Sex, I iz it.

Although I have nothing compelling to report, I still felt obligated to post today. I’m giving myself a small break from the Smashing Pumpkins trip down memory lane. It’s pretty emotional and i need to give myself some time to comeback down from it.

My original plan was to do a Davey Havok picture post, but all of my good pictures are stored on my home computer. Alas, I am still chained to my desk at work, where I’ll be for another 4 hours or so. But never fear, the weekend, she is still young.

Instead, I bring you a list of people, places and things currently making me happy. Links will follow after I get to home computer.

People:

Davey Havok, obviously for merely continuing to exist.

Jane Fonda, for dropping the C-bomb on TV.

Sheena, obviously for also continuing to exist.

Canton, Ohio, Jury for convicting the dude that killed his pregnany baby mama

Places:

Hmmm … none right now. Blech.

Things:

My iPod, for being lulling me to sleep at night and keeping me from murdering co-workers by day

My Macbook, for not sucking like my work computer.

I hate Valentine’s Day with a fiery, fiery passion. Yeah, the candy’s awesome and sure, sometimes my parents send me flowers, but by the by, it always serves to remind me of my chronically single condition.

Today on the radio, you’ll no doubt be hearing Valentine’s dedications: ‘This Michael Bolton hit goes out to Pookie McPookerkins from Buttercup.’ VOMIT.

So, in the spirit of being single, Here’s a list of Anti-Valentine’s songs and after that you’ll find my very own Valentine’s dedications. Some will be sweet, others will be snarky, it’s up to you to determine which is which.

Love Stinks! The Playlist:

‘Cheating gets it Faster’ by Jimmy Eat World: ‘I’m going out, I don’t care if you’re angry’ makes me deliriously happy.

‘Ain’t that Lonely Yet’ by Dwight Yoakam: ‘You keep leaving, notes stuck on my door, say you’re hungry for some more, girl that’s too bad’ Yeah, if you’ve pissed him off so bad he won’t even hit it, you’ve done something WRONG.

‘Crop Tub’ by A.F.I.: Who hasn’t wanted to tell someone ‘Fuck you very much.’

‘Song for the Dumped’ by Ben Folds Five: Parting may be such sweet sorrow, but getting your stuff back after a break up sounds like a pain in the ass.

‘(Fuck You) An Ode to No One’ by The Smashing Pumpkins: Yup, you were thinking it and Billy just came right out and said it. Make sure you thank him.

‘Violet’ by Hole: Speaking of Billy! I love it when Courtney growls, ‘I told you from the start, just how this would end, well I get what I want, but I never want it again’

‘Irreplacable’ by Beyonce: This was a hard sell because I cannot stand Beyonce, but holy crap I like this song. I think the line ‘You must not know about me’ should be part of every woman’s break-up repertoire.

‘You Give Love a Bad Name’ by Bon Jovi: Not only is it great karoake fodder, everyone knows at least one chick like the one in the song.

‘Drinking my Baby Goodbye’ by The Charlie Daniels Band: Though I’m not one for tying one on, I will raise a glass of Diet Mountain Dew in solidarity with the following line: ‘If it takes all night, I’m gonna do it right, I’m gonna sit here til I can’t see.’

‘Sounds Better in the Song’ by Drive-by Truckers: I always feel sorry for this song’s protagonist, especially considering the following lines: ‘She used to dream ‘em with me, every single crazy one, til they started hurting her too, now she’s got some of her own, and outgrowing me might be the best thing for her she’s ever done’ and ‘Now she’s found herself, and I lost mine, and I’m just another guy who can’t give her anything’

‘Good Riddance (Time of Your Life)’ by Green Day: Ladies and Gentlemen, this is not a graduation song, please stop trying to force it! It seems like one of those breakups where there are no hard feelings, it just didn’t work out. Example: ‘For what it’s worth, it was worth all the while.’

‘Miserable’ by Lit: ‘You make me come, you make me complete, you make me completely miserable’ LOVE. IT.

‘Fall Back Down’ by Rancid: A punk song about friends helping you out after a break up! And, um, I kinda want to have Tim Armstrong’s babies.

And now, dedications!

To Sheena: ‘Baby Got Back’ by Sir Mix a Lot, ‘Hungry Like the Wolf’ by Duran Duran and ‘Tonight, Tonight’ by The Smashing Pumpkins. The DM rocked didn’t it?

To Davey Havok: ‘Between Breaths (An XX Perspective) by Blaqk Audio. When and where, lover boy.

To the sports department: ‘Pretty fly (for a white guy)’ by The Offspring. Don’t give up, boys!!

While ‘Mellon Collie’ guided my entry into Vietnam, er, I mean high school, by the time I discovered ‘Siamese Dream’ I was already deep in the trenches. Home had gotten even worse and school was, well, ya know, HORRIBLE.

Prompted by my love for ‘Mellon Collie,’ I decided to make my way through their earlier material. Having read a ton of articles about the band, I knew ‘Siamese Dream’ would be the next. I’ve never regretted it.

This is where I figured out that the ‘Bullet’ video wasn’t a fluke, Billy did, in fact, used to have hair! Trivial now, but that was huge when I was a teenager. I also purchased Vieuphoria around the same time and fell madly in love. The electric version of ‘Disarm’ still makes me all breathless.

Because much of what I posted in the ‘Mellon Collie’ entry applies to every single album in the catalog, I’m just going  to jump right into the rundown.

‘Cherub Rock’: Because I lacked a lot of knowledge about the early ’90s rock scene, this song didn’t make a lot of sense to me at first. As far as I was concerned, hipsters were a type of pants. After doing some background research, I realized what the song was about and my respect for Billy went through the roof.  I always like it when people call other people on their bull shit.

‘Quiet’: This epitomized my utter disgust with my classmates. I thought they were boorish and loud and obnoxious, and they constantly fucked up my ordered little universe. This was my way of yelling ‘SIT DOWN AND SHUT UP!’

‘Today’: This is almost like ‘Tonight, Tonight’ for me. Whenever I would get completely freaked out and think ‘I’m never going to get out of here!’ I would listen to this and say to myself, ‘Yeah, but today wasn’t so bad.’ The line ‘I’ve tried so hard to cleanse these regrets, my angel wings are bruised and restrained’ always hit me hard because I know what it’s like to feel like you’ll never be clean and you’ll always be stuck. And yes, when I shuffle free of my mortal coil, I want this played at my funeral. Oh and the line ‘I wanna turn you on’ really really did it for me.

‘Hummer’: So many lines from this helped through some crap times. ‘Happiness will make you wonder, will I feel OK?’ made me think about what I was going to if I ever did finally become happy, would I know how to accept it or would I throw it away? The line ‘I want something new, but what I am I supposed to do about you?’ brought to mind the fact that though we were as close as any two friends could be, my then best friend and I were drifting apart and as much as I wanted new and different things for my life, I was still terrified about leaving her behind.

‘Rocket’: ‘I torch my soul to show the world that I am pure deep inside my heart’ still describes me. ‘I want everything I’ll never be’ does too. ‘The moon is out, the stars invite, think I’ll leave tonight’ gave me the courage to be different and say ‘Don’t like it? Fuck you.’

‘Disarm’: Oh boy. I can’t count the number of times I have sat weeping to this song. This made me realize that what you hate is a reflection of you. So when kids tormented me for being different or being a freak, I realized it was because they felt different or like a freak for whatever reason and they were scared. I wasn’t afraid, which scared them even more. So the torment grew. ‘The bitterness of one who’s left alone’ struck a cord with me because I felt my parents never asked me about my life, my dreams, my fears. And anytime I did pipe up, I got picked on about it. ‘Send this smile over to you’ basically became my plan of attack and still is. If someone hurts me, all’s I can do is love them more.

‘Soma’: Though I had (have) no real romantic experience and this song is about a romance gone awry, it still connects with me. ‘I’m all by myself, as I’ve always felt’ was pretty much my mantra. ‘So let the sadness come again, on that you can depend on me, until the bitter bitter end of the world, God sleeps in bliss’ hit me like a ton of bricks the first time I heard it and never fails to do so more than 10 years later. And the live version of this leaves me utterly speechless and almost in tears.

‘Geek U.S.A.’: The only thing I can really say about this ‘I never liked me anyway.’ Being a teenager was GRREEEAAAT.

‘Mayonaise’: ‘When your life is so, so dreary, dream’ gave my depressed teenage self hope. ‘And I fail, but when I can, I will, try to understand, that when I can, I will’ and ‘Can anybody hear me, I just want to be, me’ pretty much summed out how I felt about everything. I might not have been doing everything right, but I knew someday I would.

‘Spaceboy’: ‘Watch me, death defy, defile my life’ was how I felt about my mom for a long time. I had to sit and watch her hurt herself and could nothing more than watch. ‘And spaceboy they’ll kill me, before I’m dead and gone’ was relevant as well. I always kinda felt that, even though mom’s never heard this song, this is kind of ‘our’ song.

‘Silverfuck’: The immediate attraction was of course the F bomb in the title, but I was kind of indifferent to it for a while. Then I saw the live version and almost died. And maybe this is just me, but the line ‘What I’ve recovered of me, I put into a box, underneath my bed’ sounds like the mythical ‘Heart-shaped box’ of Nirvana fame. Anyone else think that?

‘Sweet Sweet’: I love this. It’s so dreamy and light. ‘Sweet Sweet Sweet little agony, I don’t know just where you’ve been, but I’ll take take take all that you have for me, in sin’ and ‘ And they all want you to change’ make me deliriously, goofy happy.

‘Luna’: ‘I’ll hear your song, if you want me to, I’ll sing along’ *sigh*